Burnerblog

I heard once that Chuck Norris went to visit Evel Knievel to learn how to improve on his badassness. Chuck was but a young pup, fresh off attaining his first level black belt, but something was missing. So he went into the garage where Evel was preparing a bike for an upcoming jump when Evel looked up at Chuck. Chuck looked down at Evel. Evel said, “Get me a wrench; 7/16th’s.” Chuck got the wrench. Evel, without so much as blinking an eye, took the wrench, and then threw it at Chuck. “You come here wanting to learn to be a badass and you fetch me a wrench? You are not ready, grasshopper.”

That was the last time Chuck Norris ever fetched anything for anyone. Evel Knievel was so badass that he told Chuck Norris to fetch a wrench for him, and he did.

It’s rumored that Evel Knievel was visited by Chuck Norris on his deathbed. As Evel lay dieing, Chuck tearfully asked if there was anything he could do to help his friend. Evel leaned up and said in a weak voice, “One last cup of coffee would be great.” Chuck stood up, poured a hot cup of coffee, and handed it to Evel. Evel took the cup and with his last bit of strength, threw it at Chuck Norris. Evel’s last words were, “Chuck, you pussy. Have you not learned anything in the past 40 years?” and with that, Evel died.

Chuck then went back to his ranch and initiated a lawsuit against the publishers of a book containing Chuck Norris jokes, having misinterpreted Evel’s dieing words as “Chuck, you’re busy, and you may not know this, but they’re making fun of you in a book. Can you fix it?” How he inferred this out of the actual words is anyone’s guess, but no-one questions the inner workings of the Norris brain. You just nod, smile, and get the hell out of the way (or else his laser beam eyes will cut you down where you stand).