“Perhaps you’re afraid to die because you have a life worth living.” A quote from the movie “The Last King of Scotland.”
I remember one of the last conversations with my dad. As we were waiting at a red light to turn into his subdivision, he just stated out of the blue, “It’s not that I fear dieing. That part doesn’t bother me. What bothers me is missing all of ‘this’ ” as he pointed towards the trees, the street, the houses.
Existence. Being.
I thought of that conversation a lot after he died. Whenever someone else dies, I think of it, too, and it was one of the first things I thought about when I heard the news yesterday that Heath Ledger died. I’ve discussed at length here on Burnerblog how the deaths of certain celebrities touch me more than others. Heath Ledger was someone our entire family liked to see on screen. My wife and daughter thought he was dreamy, while my son and I just thought he was a good actor with good looks. Back to the point; his life must have been one of some quite interesting experiences. Now, they’re all gone for him.
At this early stage, speculating on a cause of death or the circumstances leading up to his demise are nothing more than conjecture, so I won’t even begin to make any statements regarding his state of mind, health (mental or otherwise), etc. I’m sure we’ll know as much as we can in the coming weeks. Besides, I didn’t know him personally, and anything I would write would be purely third or fourth or even fifth-hand speculation, and that’s pretty weak.
I will say this, though. I lost one of my cousins to a drug overdose. To this day, it’s not known whether it was intentional or not, but I think most of us believe it was. She lived a terribly painful life, having slipped into a world of addiction she couldn’t extract herself from, regardless of how hard she tried. She became a cliche of the worst kind, and the harder she tried to fight it, the more she found herself failing at it which would further push her deeper. It was a never-ending spiral that lead to her death.
The point is that while death can be difficult to deal with for us humans (being self-aware has it’s drawbacks), there is solace in knowing that the pain is over. The one redeeming quality of death is the lack of pain. Whatever the circumstances around Heath Ledger’s death turn out to be, the bottom line is he’s feeling no pain now, unlike the rest of us who will miss him, his talent, and his smile.